Arrows & Bricks Destroyed A Marriage

Recently, I looked in the mirror and saw myself fourteen years ago, during the worst years of my marriage.

At first, I thought it was someone else.  I didn’t recognize the me that I was during that timeframe.  In my mind, previous to that moment, I was the victim.  Innocent.

Lovingly, the mirror revealed to me that I was NOT innocent, and I was NOT the only victim.

I saw myself, in the mirror, holding a bow, shooting arrows.  Every time I spoke, the bow would release an arrow.  Every time I spoke, the arrow pierced him.  The arrows had letters on them.  The letters formed these words as they entered his body:





The mirror continued to reveal my former, married self, to me.

I was building a wall, made of bricks, in the mirror.

Each brick was labeled:





Brick upon brick upon brick, placed between us, until the wall was complete, and the marriage was over.

It was easier to portray myself as the victim, and pretend that I was innocent, whenever anyone asked me what happened.  I never had to tell the whole story, the arrows, the bricks, the destruction.  Pity accumulated, and victim became my identity.

Until I looked in that mirror recently.

As soon as I saw who I truly was, I told him.  As soon as I told him, he agreed with me.

Miraculously, as soon as I told him, I was freed from it all.


The weight of every brick was lifted from me.

The arrows, gone.

Something else happened in that moment…

He apologized.

He said that even though I did my part to chase him away, his actions were not justified.

I didn’t realize how much power those words held.



I walked back to the mirror.

I looked different.

Free of the arrows, the bricks, the anger, the bitterness, the hate, and most importantly – the victim identity.

I owned my part.

I saw myself.

I wore a new identity:


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