The reason I write

img_1265I discovered how much I loved to write back in high school English class with Mrs. Dubois.   She was the first person to tell me to never stop writing.  She saw my passion for it then.  I’m so glad I found it again.

I write to share my thoughts.  I’m a thinker, so it’s nice to spill them out and share them, to clear space for more.  They make sense to me when I see them.  My thoughts come alive when they combine with the letters, and then words, and then sentences – if that makes sense?

They get all wrapped up and stuck to each other when they are forced to remain in my head.

I hope that somehow, the sentences that fly out of my head will help people who have gone through, or are going through, something I’ve gone through, or am going through.

So, here is what I’ve gone through so far:

My parents divorced when I was 4.  My mom re-married when I was 5.  The guy she married didn’t like kids, so my sister and I don’t have any good memories of him.  He yelled a lot, at a lot of people, about everything, everyday.

They divorced when I was 12.

My mom married my current stepdad when I was 14.  He’s pretty cool.  Now.  (I couldn’t see that then).

Regardless of who he was, I was mad.  At the world.  And everything in it.  I missed out on what could’ve been great years of my life since I allowed the anger to control me.

I worked at the Dairy Queen, age 14, and then the local supermarket, age 16.  Graduated high school, went to college.  Earned a bachelors degree.

I was still angry at the world and everything in it.

I managed to let go of my anger for a short while, went to church, found God, got married, had 4 kids, and then… got divorced.

I’ve  been divorced for 10 years.

When people used to say, “I don’t know how you do it!,” I’d respond with: “not very well!”    (and I really believed it! Ha!)

Guess it depends on your perspective.  I’m glad I don’t feel that way anymore.

My anger level has decreased drastically.  I’ve embraced my weaknesses.  I stopped running from God. I still have 4 kids.  I’m still divorced.

Now, when people say, “I don’t know how you do it!,” I respond, “with God’s help.”

In my first blog post I stated that healing is a journey.  I believe this wholeheartedly.  It took me 40+ years to wind this mess up.  It has to be unwound, like the music from one of those old-fashioned music boxes.  I hear it playing out.

I’ll be here for a while.

Hope you’ll join me!

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