Searching

I watched a documentary about a celebrity recently. She said she is searching for “a feeling that she hasn’t found yet.”

Immediately, I knew what she was searching for. I hoped that she would find it by the end of her published story.

I think that all of us, at some point in our lives, could admit that we were searching for that same feeling.

We try on so many different feelings, hoping that maybe a combination of things will stir up that one feeling we really need.

Each time, when the things that are fleeting eventually float away, we are left feeling empty.

This celebrity, unfortunately, did not value herself. The things she tried on scarred her. The people she allowed into her life abused her. Her search for that feeling took her to a depth of emptiness that she couldn’t bare.

She didn’t give up though, thankfully.

At the end of the documentary, she was looking at pictures and watching videos of her past with her sons. She had to stop watching several of them because she just “wasn’t ready” to feel the scars yet.

She asked the interviewer, “What’s next?,” as if he knew the future.

When I heard her ask that question, I pictured her standing in front of a tall brick wall, trying to see through it, hoping that she could just walk through it.

I think we have all been in front of that wall also, at some point in our lives.

It takes so much courage to take the next step that is required to begin the climb.

It is as simple as reaching up and grabbing the hand that is reaching down, but it requires faith and surrender.

Instead of reaching up, it seemed like she turned around and repeated the search for the feeling she hasn’t found yet.

The documentary ended with her sitting on her couch, crying.

If you are at the wall today, reach up. You will be met by the most loving and gentle hand that you’ve ever been held by.

As soon as you start climbing, with all of the assistance that you need, the feeling you’re searching for will flood your heart.

Your search will be over.