Happiness…

People look at me funny these days.  They can’t figure me out.  I kinda like it. Makes me feel mysterious.  I’m not hiding anything, usually.  (ha ha, just kidding). The only things I hide are my thoughts, sometimes.  The conversations I have with myself, healthy ones, where the thoughts make me giggle.

There was a time in my life where I relied on other people to provide my happiness. It was treacherous.  Unreliable. Messy.

I was in pieces.  The pieces were everywhere, with everyone.  The way people treated me determined how I felt. Never whole, always fragmented.

If I were my Raggedy Ann doll, my hair would’ve been frayed, my clothes ripped, dirty, and hanging off of me.  That doll would go anywhere, and do anything to be accepted.

Looking in the mirror, I was missing parts. I lent them out to people who I thought would love me.  They never did.

Eventually, I stopped looking in the mirror.

Until recently.

I took them back.  All of my pieces, frayed hair, ripped clothes, lost parts.  I walked back through the moments, stood boldly, wore my newfound confidence, and… just… took them back.  Amazingly, I did not experience any conflict.  No one fought me.

Once everything was back in its place, I tiptoed toward the mirror.  I popped my head into just the corner of the mirror, and then my whole face, neck, torso, arms, legs, feet…. It was all there.  Whole.

I breathed in every piece, filled my lungs with, um, happiness? Peace? Whatever it is, it felt amazing.

Miraculously, instantly, I realized that I no longer had to rely on other people to feel true happiness.

Everything I need to be happy is inside of me.

I went on a long journey to figure this out.

The road was paved with pain, heartbreak, defeat, and suffering.  Until… I surrendered.

I left it all behind.

Now, the road is paved with strength, peace, wholeness that I see in the mirror, and happiness.

True happiness that wells up and bursts out of me.

It causes me to smile more often.  I used to smile out of obligation, or as a learned response.  Now, I smile first, because I don’t mind if it’s not returned.  I smile because it makes me feel good to smile.  I like how it can transform people.  It is contagious.

Sometimes, I even smile when someone looks angry, just in case it will break through their unhappiness.

I smile because I know that I won’t run out of them.  An endless love flows out over me, from a creator that made me on purpose.

Unique. Just the way I am.  For a specific purpose.

I haven’t figured out what the exact purpose is yet.  I’m learning that everything that has happened along the way has shaped me.  I’m eager to fall in to that purpose, but I am waiting patiently for clarity.

I’ll keep being mysterious.  I like it.

Emotionally healthy.

Has a nice ring to it.

Happiness…

 

 

5 thoughts on “Happiness…

  1. Great introspectiion!! Some people might read this and be really jealous that you found happiness, hopefully not, people should be happy for you that you are truly happy now!!

    You are the type of person that has a contagious personality and you make people in a better mood by your friendliness. There are people that have the to knack to cheer up and make people feel good, I think you are one of those people!!

    Funny thing, I just started writing my 1st blog (halfway done) and the topic was “my happy place”
    It was more of a feel good blog that explains where my vacation happy places are. I wanted to know where other people find their happy place in the world. It was meant to be an interactive blog to get to know where people I know spend time in there happy place!! You just inspired me to go a different direction with my blog….

    Great blog, very eye opening, keep on writing!! 🙂

    Like

  2. Awesome – just remember the wholeness of a person can always change, grow, and adapt. It’s what allows us all to accept new things, challenges, people, thoughts and ideas. Best thing though, is that you will always be loved by your family and friends. Keep smiling mysteriously – it keeps folks guessing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You and your words are part of your purpose! Thank you for sharing your heart. You are a healer!

    On Thu, Jul 11, 2019 at 9:08 PM Overcoming Obstacles wrote:

    > aladell4 posted: “People look at me funny these days. They can’t figure > me out. I kinda like it. Makes me feel mysterious. I’m not hiding > anything, usually. (ha ha, just kidding). The only things I hide are my > thoughts, sometimes. The conversa” >

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great introspection!! You are a stronger person because of the journey!! Maybe I’m speaking from my perspective on it but I think you are a person that has a positive/happy and contagious personality that makes everyone around you a cell better and/or happier. Not everyone has that knack as a human being and some people don’t have those qualities, it’s a blessing!!

    I recently started a blog (only had some) about “my happy place”
    It was just meant to be a light hearted blog to tell people where my Happy place in the world is and to find out theirs because it might be a place worth visiting…..
    Not sure I truly understand the concept of a blog (or maybe it’s just an outlet to write about things I like or am feeling)??!!

    Anyway, I digress…

    Keep up the good writing and you never know whose reading this and how much it may help another in their journey!!!

    Like

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