Protect me?

img_3152-1I had a heart to heart with God. I asked Him about protection. The first part of Psalm 121:7 promises protection from all evil. I stopped reading.

Protect me? You protected me? From all evil? What about the affairs?

Silence. Waiting. Listening.

I want to trust Him. I want to believe that He has and will protect me from all evil.

Still silent. Still waiting. Still listening.

If you protected me from all evil, then why did I have to walk alone through the spikes that pierced my feelings of worth? Why did I have to feel hopeless and incompetent to raise 4 children alone? Why did I have to carry their pain and be their strength all these years?

I looked back at the verse, trying to comprehend “protection from all evil.”

I read it over and over.

“The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.”

In that moment, reading those last five words, I realized that “protect you from all evil” did not mean that nothing bad would happen to me.

The deepest love is not controlling.

My mind cannot comprehend it. This idea that God loves us so much that He does not control us. He did not stop the affairs.

God protected me from all evil… by keeping my soul. Protecting my soul. Even when I ran, He never left me. He waited. He kept my soul.

In the moments of silence, waiting, and listening, I saw, and felt protection.

In the midst of the evil that abounds in this world, there is Beauty that has defeated it.

Our souls are kept from evil, even when our bodies go through it.

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