Leaving my heart

I left my kids for the weekend. Every other weekend for a year during the divorce process. Their dad spent his parenting time with them while I left the house for the weekend.

I drove to Kalamazoo to meet up with an ex-boyfriend. Every other weekend for a year during the divorce process. I was looking for my feelings of worthlessness to be wiped away by him. I sought healing. I was so emotionally unhealthy that I thought the ex-boyfriend could erase the pain. I couldn’t wait to get there, so hopeful for that moment of erasing.

It never happened.

I realize now that in my state of emptiness and worthlessness I overlooked the blaring, flashing, warning crossing lights. I silenced the train’s deafening horn, warning me it was about to destroy me even more.

My soul died.

I spent the next two years walking around as the shell of who I once was.

Another failed relationship behind me, I sought healing again. I looked for the pain eraser. I thought another man might be the answer.

Relationships sought, found, left. No answers, still empty, still seeking.

Nine years went by.

I heard a whisper. I felt a tug.

I ran to the arms of the only One who can provide my every need.

I’ve found true healing from the God who created me. Uniquely in His image.

He erased the pain. He washed over me and through me like the roar of a raging river.

The love that I’ve received from God is immeasurable.

He gave me a new heart. Full. Repaired. Healed. Whole.

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