Harshest critic

I hit a wall.

My toes, and my nose, also smashed into the wall, daily.

The path I kept taking, no matter where I entered, ended back at the same wall.

Frustrated, I spoke to myself, (to my harshest critic), and asked her why she is taking me to the same path, that ends at the same wall.

“You aren’t worthy,” she said.

“You have done horrible things,” she said.

“You don’t deserve to find it,” she said.

I closed my eyes.  I tried to see beyond the harsh words that I spoke to myself.

I found myself in an overgrown garden, weeds everywhere.  I pulled on one weed.. the roots were deep.  I yanked harder… the weed stubbornly released itself from the ground.

I heard the roots screaming at me as they left the ground.   They repeated what my harshest critic said.

“Unworthy, horrible, undeserving.”

Their voices grew softer as the roots left the earth.  Softer and softer, until they faded completely.

I continued to pull the weeds from the overgrown garden.  Each weed, each yanked root, set me free.

My harshest critic was quieted.  Finally.

I looked around, at what used to be the overgrown garden, and saw a new path.

I took one step onto the new path, leery of what might lie ahead, and leery of the wall hitting me in the nose.

It felt different this time.

My harshest critic was…. REALLY gone? 

Instead of “you are unworthy, you have done horrible things, and you are undeserving,” I heard “You are victorious!, you are free!, and you are loved!”

The new words felt like being wrapped up in a warm, soft, fluffy blanket while skipping along with all of my favorite people holding hands and smiling at each other.

I still can’t see the whole path, and I don’t know if I’ll reach another wall, but I am choosing to trust.

I will keep moving forward with my warm, soft, fluffy blanket, and favorite people by my side.