Chaos of the mind

I have so much to say, yet I can’t find the words.

I’m experiencing new emotions.

The file folder opened, and the feelings drizzled onto my clothes.

My waxed shell won’t allow them to enter in.

I’ve plucked them off of my clothing, I’ve picked them up off of the floor, (like confetti pieces after a party), and I’ve studied them on a slide under a microscope.

Perplexed.

They don’t even have names yet!

They’re trying to change me. I can feel them tugging on me, pleading with my weaknesses. They’re telling me to give in to sadness, and enable their hindrances.

I’m being persuaded to sleep. Often.

They dance around when I do nothing. It makes them happy.

They tug at me when I think clearly, and make progress. It makes them angry.

I manage to scoop them up and quickly shove them in the jar. Lid on tight. No oxygen.

Deceitfully, I’m convinced that was wrong.

“Let them out!”

“See what they’re capable of. You’re strong enough. You can survive anything. Alone.”

Immediately, they’re on my clothes. Piercing the shield I thought was secure.

Once they’ve entered, my mind gives in.

I am numb.

Renovating my mind, they annihilate my accomplishments.

“Goal: destruction” is written on the white board at the front of the room they’ve overtaken.

Chaos. Menacing. Tornadoes.

In the midst of the twisted storm, my emotions suddenly settle. My eyes are drawn to the cause.

Lovingly, the cause speaks to the emotions that have overtaken my mind. He tells them to leave. He tells them I’m loyal. He tells them I belong. He clears them out of my mind.

The cause remains, yet is now unseen.

The emotions are gone.

My mind is clear. Focused. Driven. Wise. Strong.

I’ve conquered the emotions, with help.

I’m aware of what they look like now. I’m no longer perplexed by them.

Their deceit has been exposed.

I’ll remain hopeful that they’ll stay away, even though I know they may return.

I’ll be ready next time.

Stronger. Armed with wisdom. Free.

2 thoughts on “Chaos of the mind

  1. I have felt this way; sometimes to often.
    Staying armed with those sweet words. ” I am yours, and you are mine” is where I do find comfort.
    Your gifted beyond your years my sweet cousin xox

    Liked by 1 person

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